8: That dizzy feeling when you think existentially

So I'm sitting here thinking about math and I start thinking that it really doesn't mean anything, that maybe the whole species could have evolved without thinking in numbers at all. Like rats, or maybe unlike rats, maybe in some extremely sophisticated way that we cannot conceive of. Maybe we could have developed as creatures who intuit quantity and never have a reason to look any deeper. Maybe we could have obsessed over language and found the most truth in how we express words, or in the science of motion, but I feel like built into our academia is the idea that mathematics is absolute truth. Ok, so there are idiots who don't get it, sometimes even professors in other fields, who say "but what if we found out 2+2=5, wouldn't that be crazy?" as though 2+2=4 is just a theory and we are only pretty sure it is true, as though 4 is not explicitly defined to be the sum of 2 and 2. It makes me want to kick them, shred their diplomas and move to a part of the country where academics don't smoke so much pot. Does such a place exist?
I am getting off topic. What I was trying to get at is that, we have discovered absolute truth through mathematics, when really the study of logic is bordering on philosophy, it is conceivable to me that maybe we could have come at it from a different direction.
But this is also off topic, what I was trying to demonstrate is that sometimes when I start to think about math, or anything, too hard my mind wanders to the reality of the world. We are just floating on this huge hunk of rock through endless space, through endless time. We evolved from nothing and the fact that we are aware of ourselves and aware of our extreme surroundings in unprecedented and unexplained.
I start to feel as though time is meaningless. There is so much of it that my life is over already. How can I live in the moment when there is no moment. This instant is 0% of my life, but at the same time, my life is 0% of all time.
I start to feel dizzy. I feel how my corporeal form is barely here. How my mind almost feels like it is floating somewhere. My body feels clumsy and light. I imagine this is what dying feels like. I imagine that I am so close to the truth of the universe, enlightenment, the way beyond everything which seems so trivial. When I think that I worried about how much we spent on groceries this week! What does it matter? If we spend all of our money on cheerios, if we starve to death, if we steal the groceries, it doesn't matter! Then I become afraid of myself, I think that I am evolving into something that does not live by human morals and I come back. I try and breath. I take a walk. I blog.